so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
