I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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