I'm going to jail i love you
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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