i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
