Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
