I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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