if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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