i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
