Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
