Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
