im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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