too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
