dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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