Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
