I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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