The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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