I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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