It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
