non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
