Walk of Shame. In a state park.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
