We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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