Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
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