My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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