dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
