You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
