Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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