soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
