just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
