cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
