Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
