Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
