P.S. I can't hear my feet
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
