So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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