Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
