dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
