I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
