So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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