he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
