; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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