this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
