just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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