ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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