My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
