Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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