My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
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