In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
