i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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