can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
