I think my vagina is haunted
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Randomize
