i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
