And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
