you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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