I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
