Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
