I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
