y did u give ur computer a hand job?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
